Emily only has a fleeting interest in MLK, Jr. — I guess we should cut her some slack, seeing as she’s only 4 weeks old. (Four weeks old? Surely that calls for cake! Hmm, I wonder why I’m not losing this post-natal weight quickly?) We managed to get out of the house for a little while, ordeal though it was. First she needed to be fed, then she needed to scream for a little while, then whaddyaknow, she needed to eat again, and then there was the requisite spit-up-all-over-yourself-and-your-caretaker (i.e. Momma), so another change of clothing was needed. But by 1pm, by golly, we were ready to leave the house for a few hours and take a trip to Grammy Ann’s house.
Here’s a typical day in the life of Emily:
1. Sleep soundly. Pretend you’re a lady. Put your pinkies in the air for good measure. Surely no one will believe those farts came from you when you’re acting like a lady.
2. Wake up from sound sleep hollering like it’s going out of style. Insist on being fed immediately. Then force your frantic mother to put you in your Maya Wrap sling to calm you down. (Bjorn for President? Maya for Secretary of State!)
3. When momentarily content, let Momma take pictures of whatever she wants. (Understand that it’s the small things that make her happy. She can’t help that she’s simple.)
4. Again, suck it up and let Momma take stupid pictures of you. Let her pretend that a Christmas tree ornament should really be some sort of gangsta bling. Roll eyes and sigh loudly when she turns her back on you.
5. Demand another feeding (as loudly as possible), then refuse to be comforted by anyone but Daddy. When satisfied with positioning on Daddy’s chest and proximity of dogs, resume angelic face.
6. Wake from nap, demand more food, play with Nathan for a few minutes.
7. Receive visitors, let them act like fools, chuckle quietly to self, feign sound sleep.
8. Allow people to love on you, at least temporarily, because you know they may implode if you deny them. You needn’t martyr yourself, though; feel free to scream lustily when you get tired of this game. It’s likely someone will feed you to shut you up.
9. After satisfying yourself with milk, slip into a happy coma.
10. Repeat.
